This is from my husband's blog. words cannot express how scared we BOTH are...


Well, after talking to the doctors, and getting some results back, then talking to the family, I have decided to try and opt for certain treatments to actually try and live a bit longer.

Be there no mistake, that without getting any treatment, I more than likely will not see the age of 35. Treatment does not guarantee making past that point, but the odds become a little more realistic for actually having a chance.

Right now, they are saying I am still at Stage 2 Squamous Cell Carcinoma of the Esophagus. I am still staged at 1 on Adenocarcinoma of the esophagus, and tumors have been seen in chest CT, as well as some symptoms, but need a biopsy to tell exactly what type. The esophageal cancers have not been elevated because I have not had another endoscopy, which I have needed since March. They are leaning towards thinking Non-small cell lung carcinoma (NSCLC), which would then elevate the staging of the esophageal cancer. They also want to perform a biopsy on my lymph nodes to see if my lymphatic system has been affected.

Right now, all those tests need to be done, so we can see exactly where I am at. As the nurse said, playing if I dont know it cant hurt me, in this case, will wind up in the worst possible way. While I understand that doctors are sometimes greedy, I think in this case I need to have treatment to have any shot at life. I can feel it inside. Every day.

So, the case of what I need done in order.

1. Endoscopy to perform removal of nodules and tumors, and possibly dilate and repair the esophageal sphincter. Begin pain management.

2. Begin preoperative chemotherapy (CTx) and combination radiochemotherapy (RTx/CTx)for the squamous cell esophageal carcinoma and adenocarcinoma. This is a very aggressive treatment done because it increases the resection rate, the rate of complete tumor resection, and survival time. The side effects, though, are suppose to be brutal. After that, they will then check with another endoscopy to see where we are. If needed or deemed to be helpful, then we have surgery. I am not sure how many weeks or rounds worth of treatment I would be under. That would be discussed with the oncologist.

3. Possible preoperative chemotherapy for lung. Again, I am not sure about the details of this, other than it helps shrink the size and stunt the growth of the tumor, and makes surgery much more successful.

4. Surgical removal of tumors in the lung that would or may still be present after chemo rounds.

5. Assessment and further treatment as needed.

I have just emailed my dad and mom to see if there is any way to get a loan so I can get things started, and will exhaust everything to try and get going beginning of next week.

Guys, I am horribly scared, along with feeling absolutely horrible right now. I am very tired, and run down. Not something I would normally admit, but I cant turn my head and try to pretend it doesnt affect me any more. I dont want to be put in a box....I am not ready to go anywhere. Not yet, dammit..not yet.